Blog - Featherstone Group

Compassionate Cruelty

Avoiding hurt feelings can damage your organization

It’s a common occurrence among organizations large and small: Someone on the team isn’t measuring up. They could be close to retirement and waning in motivation or lacking in current necessary skills. They could be facing a difficult personal challenge that makes it impossible to do the required work. They could be disillusioned with their job, their co-workers or the organization as a whole and as a result, are now a so-called ‘bad fit’ for their current position.

In times like these, a compassionate supervisor may avoid addressing the performance issue head-on. After all, it’s already a sensitive situation. The team member in question is likely already feeling down: Wouldn’t it be downright cruel to have a performance talk at this juncture?

Hard, yes. But cruel? Perhaps not.

When the Hard Thing is the Right Thing

According to Webster’s, a cruel person is defined as one who is “disposed to inflict pain or suffering.” In its purest sense, then, a supervisor’s cruel action doesn’t take into account the employee’s feelings.

Conversely, honest performance critiques (or even letting an employee go), while emotionally painful, are sometimes necessary. What’s more, these interactions can, and should, be handled with the employee’s feelings and best interests taken into account.

In the long run, tough critiques can lead to better outcomes for both the employee and the organization. Thus, difficult feedback, when administered correctly, can actually help your employee and your organization grow. In this sense, a tough performance critique is the opposite of cruel: Like a stinging bit of antiseptic applied to a cut, tough talks are the therapy that can heal an organizational wound.

Saving One at the Expense of Many

Failing to address poor performance with one employee out of a sense of compassion can often have the reverse effect on your organization: By allowing one individual to continue to flounder, you may be indirectly frustrating the rest of your team.

All it takes is one person not pulling their weight to bring the entire working group down. If an individual performs poorly, it may be up to other team members to pick up the slack. If the individual can’t deliver their part of the work on time, the entire team may be unable to complete projects effectively, resulting in frustration for all. If the underperforming individual is a poor leader, an entire department can suffer from misdirection and burnout.

In these situations, toxicity develops quickly and can be hard to quash. Before you know it, you’ve unintentionally created a difficult environment for many by avoiding uncomfortable conversations with one. You’ve attempted to avoid cruelty and have unwittingly allowed an untenable environment to develop.

When to Take Action

A good leader must have the courage to make hard decisions – and this includes putting development plans into practice and imposing HR-sanctioned probationary periods for workers who need them.

For the benefit of all involved, including your underperforming employee, you must take actions like these as quickly as possible when they become necessary. If it’s early days, starting feedback asap and speaking honestly about the problems at hand can avoid shock and undue hurt feelings in the long run.

Just make sure you listen as well as talk: Put yourself in your employee’s shoes and remember that the individual may see things differently than you do. They may challenge your assessment of their performance. In the moment, they may be upset or even hurt. They are sure to be a bit fearful of their standing within the company, and this can cause more than a little stress.

In short, the conversations ahead will be difficult, but you must hold your ground. Listen to your employee’s reaction and be sure to take their points of view into account. But don’t be overly swayed by an employee’s defensiveness: Hold your ground diplomatically and don’t waffle. Remember that honest feedback is the necessary medicine here, and stick to your plan.

If you reach the employee early with your feedback, you will act with compassion because you will be, in good faith, offering the individual the opportunity to turn things around. Conversely, if you don’t address issues early and with honesty, you run the risk of letting your employee continue to underperform for months or even years, to the detriment of everyone.

When to Let Go

If you’ve met with your employee several times, have alerted them to their performance problems and have made good-faith attempts to help them correct the issues at hand, it may be time to say goodbye. If you’ve hired someone who has proven unwilling or unable to develop the skills necessary to continue in their role, it may be time to cut ties.

The result, while heartbreaking, will be short-lived compared to the cancerous growth of rancor that can occur if you allow the underperformer to continue on in their role. Often, if the issue is simply one of fit, you may even be able to help your employee find new employment elsewhere.

Honesty Is a Form of Compassion

In my experience, conflict avoidance, while not exactly cruel, does result more damage to employees, teams, and organizations than difficult feedback. It’s important to root out organizational problems as soon as possible in order to save your organization from major cultural issues down the road. If you remain open and honest with your team members and advocate fearlessly for their growth in good times and in bad, you’ll reap the reward of a flourishing organization. This is the best and most gratifying form of professional compassion you can practice.

A Healthy Environment Doesn’t Just Happen

As an executive, you don’t get to create your own environment BUT you get to create the environment for those who are report up to you. So essentially, you “live” in one environment, and you craft an environment for the folks in your span of care to “live” in. Those two environments are ideally, both wonderful, but that’s rarely the case. Realistically, many executives are frustrated by their corporate environment, which is often bureaucratic, competitive, political, and risk adverse.

It is possible to create a positive, healthy environment within your team that is completely different than the larger corporate environment.

A nest is a useful metaphor here. You cannot control the weather or the other inhabitants, but you can create a nest that provides a healthy environment for those in your span of care.

Make no mistake, environments are created … so do so intentionally rather than just letting things evolve as they may. You most likely won’t like the environment that naturally evolves.

So be very intentional around the environment you are creating. To do this, thoughtfully consider:

What kind of environment do I value?
What kind of environment do I want for those in my span of care?
How do I go about crafting this environment?

Understand thought, that you will likely have to behave one way in the environment that you have created and behave slightly differently in the larger environment that you must operate in. Just make sure that your behavior in both environments aligns with you values. Be as authentic as possible in both environments.

Make no mistake, environments are created … so do so intentionally rather than just letting things evolve as they may. You most likely won’t like the environment that naturally evolves.

On Politics…..

Corporate politics get a bad rap (for good reason) but being politically savvy is critical to success as an executive.

When good leaders engage in politics in a healthy and constructive manner, it can elevate the norms of the “political game” within the company and lessen the power of those who play politics in harmful ways.

Executives must differentiate themselves. They are put into a role for a reason. They’ve been asked to do something.

They have to do big things
They have to execute strategy
They have to move the needle forward
They have to differentiate their organization
They have to step out onto a limb

And they have enough skill, drive, and ego to get it done. The problem is that in their effort to get it done, they wind up out on a limb all by themselves. And that makes it really easy for others to saw that limb off. And you wind up falling down.

If you are stepping out onto a limb by yourself, you will fail! You have to bring others with you. This is where politics comes into play.

I’m not talking about dark side (stabbing somebody in the back, withholding information, starting rumors, all that nastiness). I will never under any circumstances, advocate for dark politics. It is wrong and it shouldn’t happen.

However, politics in part of how companies operate. If you are an executive, you must be politically savvy. Period, end of story, full stop.

Think about it like a chess game. You want to get “here”.

What are my obstacles?
What are my advantages?
What are my options?
How can I get other people to come in and move the pieces on this board, so that I get there?

That’s understanding what people want and why they want it. That’s understanding how to maneuver successfully, through corporate environments. That is healthy politics!

Taking the “Ick” Out of Office Politics

A lot of people, particularly women, complain about office politics. Many simply choose not to participate in “playing the game.”

But the reality is, corporate politics do exist and they are a huge part of a successful career. Not playing the game is simply not an option.

Unwillingness to play politics often leads to finding oneself the victim of politics. Not paying attention and/or ignoring the politics around you not only makes you vulnerable to accidentally being caught in the cross-hairs, it makes you an easy target for politically savvy maneuvers.

A painful career lesson taught me that even though “I” was not playing politics, politics were being played all around me … and “I” was the one being played.

When someone mentions office politics our minds automatically jump to Dark Politics, the nasty underside of corporate life comprised of backstabbing, unprincipled and unethical behavior, and a fundamental lack of trustworthiness. I will never advocate for participating in dark politics as it’s the wrong approach and says nothing good about those who participate.

I do, however, strongly advocate for being politically savvy, which is the more positive and proactive side of corporate politics.

What do I mean by politically savvy? This is simply being able to navigate the environment by:

Building relationships
Anticipating and avoiding the landmines
Being sensitive to how people and organizations function
Using influence and finding advocates to ease things along
Being able to see the maze that you must navigate to get something done

Below are a few tips that you may find helpful as you begin playing politics:

Play by Your Rules:

Sit down and draft out your rules for playing politics. You should define what your boundaries are and what you will / will not do. At the end of the day, you need to be able to look in the mirror and feel good about yourself and your actions.

Understand Your Influence:

Take a moment to map your sere of influence. Start by listing out the people in your professional sphere whom you may need to influence to get things done.

Above – executives and leaders higher than you
Below – team members in your span of care and key contributors that your team relies on
Beside – peers and stakeholders

Then identify who you have the most and least influence with (I use a bulls-eye with the middle being those who I have major influence over out to those whom I have no influence with). This map will be essential as politics is all about influence.

DOWNLOAD HERE: A tool that may be helpful in mapping your influence

Figure out the Unwritten Rules:

Many leaders new to a role, particularly women, regularly break the unwritten rules because they are unaware of them. If they are aware, may not see them as danger points.

Each company has unique rules / norms that have developed over time. Unless someone tells you what they are, you won’t know what they are …. until you break them and make people mad. It’s much better to ask what those unwritten rules are before you step on that landmine.

Keep Score:

We want to help others whenever we can. It is good to do favors without the expectation of something in return. BUT as you do so, remember that one day you might need a favor. It’s okay to keep track of who you’ve helped and when necessary, cash in those favors in the future by asking them reciprocate.

Soft Sell over the Hard Sell:

We often want to have a fully formed solution before we present it to others. But by doing this, you shoot yourself in the foot politically. You need to know what the vote will be before you present your idea.

So first, throw something out casually to see how people react. Don’t hit them with a strong, fully formed stance or solution. Adjust your plan based upon the reactions that you receive and figure out where your support and opposition lie.

Timing is Everything:

Pay attention to what other people have going on. This allows you to know if / when you need to hold back before moving forward with what you want. When you know what others’ front burner issues are, you better know when to talk, when to push, when to ask for a favor, and when to wait.

Pay Attention to How People Treat You:

People teach you how to deal with them by how they treat with you. Mirror back behavior in some ways … they are teaching you how to politically maneuver them.

Watch Your Back:

Don’t play Dark Politics, but always be aware of what is happening around you!

Be the Adult:

As most of us well know, corporations are plagued by immaturity. The game of politics can bring out the most “middle-school” behaviors. So as you play politics, remember to BE THE ADULT … always and without exception.

I talk more about this in an earlier post:

Be the Adult: The Not so Easy Basics of Maturity in the Workplace

Mentors & Champions: Two Sides of the Coin

The Receiving Side:

What is the difference between a Mentor and a Champion … and how do you go about finding one?

The Giving Side:

Senior leaders need to develop talent, but what does that mean in terms of sourcing and/or becoming Mentors and Champions?

A Simple Inventory Tool:

This is a simple tool that can be used for those on both sides of the Mentors & Champions coin … those who benefit from and those who provide.

The tool can be used to inventory both the people and the results.

Who your Mentors & Champions have been … and need to be
What you have received from Mentors & Champions … and what you will need from them in the future

To whom you have been a Mentor and/or Champion …. and what they gained from you
The type of person your selection process, intentional or not, may be leaning towards .. and how you can expand your pool of mentees and protegees

DOWNLOAD HERE: Mentors & Champions Inventory Tool

Book Recommendation: A Good Read, An Inspiring Story, and Solid Lessons on Leading Change

I recently finished the book To Stop A Warlord by Shannon Sedgwick–Davis. It is the story of her humanitarian work to stop the atrocities of Joseph Kony and the LRA in central Africa.

I picked up the book because Shannon is a girlfriend from college, I’m proud of the work she does, and I wanted to support her. But, I’ve got to say that after reading it, I was truly blown away.

Let’s start with the fact that the book is a genuinely good read. There is adventure, danger people you get to know and care about, and emotional highs and lows. It’s a fascinating story that draws you in. And of course, there are all the “feels” that come the with the amazing humanitarian work described in the book. And it’s all true!

The book gives a fascinating glimpse into violent rebel groups and how the military, government, international diplomacy, and humanitarian aid intersect in the effort to stop them.

As I read, the work side of my brain kept insisting that it is a great book about leading change. And indeed, it is. The book offers:

Great perspective on stepping outside of the standard approach to solving big problems.
Lessons about flexibility and adapting as the situation changes, essential to leading a change that nobody thought could be achieved.
Guidance on how to be laser focused on achieving an end result …. but not necessarily on a specific outcome.
Insight on how using clear eyes to honestly evaluate the situation allows a leader to identify when the standard avenues are no longer viable so that they can find different avenues forward.
Some hard truths in terms of accountability and grace … both critical aspects of leading change.
An example of how to be an authentic leader and not loose yourself to the enormous effort of what you are trying to achieve.

It’s definitely a book worth reading!

Should HR Develop Business Acumen?

I have had variations of the same conversation with several executive clients over the past few months. The topic was whether HR in their organization had business acumen and if not, if their organization should make a push for developing the business acumen of its HR professionals.

Should HR Develop Business Acumen?I have had variations of the same conversation with several executive clients over the past few months. The topic was whether HR in their organization had business acumen and if not, if their organization should make a push for developing the business acumen of its HR professionals.

In its simplest distillation, the purpose of HR is to ensure that the right talent is in the right place so that the business is successful. The various functions of HR are tasked with supporting this ultimate purpose – this includes recruiting & hiring, compensation & benefits, training & development, performance management, culture & engagement, succession planning, and so forth.

In general, HR professionals are extremely knowledgeable and highly skilled in their area of expertise. They know the best practices and have systems and processes in place that are robust and well designed.

At the same time, the vast majority of HR professionals do not necessarily understand the business side of the organization they support. They are most often lacking business acumen.

Why are many HR professionals lacking business acumen?

It is not that HR professionals are lacking interest or ability. It is simply that business knowledge has neither been taught to nor expected of them.

Do HR leaders need business acumen?

Absolutely! Regardless of the sophistication of HR systems and processes in place, it is simply impossible to ensure that the right talent is in the right place without an understanding the business. How does one know what talent the business truly needs if they do not understand the business?

Should companies allocate funds to develop the business acumen of their HR professionals?

Well, it depends. Many in the C-suite see HR as primarily an administrative role that provides valuable legal cover on personnel issues. If that is the perspective of a company’s executive leadership, then spending time and money on developing the business acumen of HR professionals would largely be an unnecessary cost.

However, there are others in the C-suite who view the role of HR as that or a strategic partner who puts the right people in the right place. If that is the case, then growing the business acumen of HR employees would enhance their ability to fulfill this partner role, and ultimately benefit the business. In which case, the time and money spend would be an investment rather than a cost.

It is important to note that HR leaders with strong business acumen can greatly influence the opinion of the C-suite regarding the role and purpose of HR. Spending available resources on growing the business acumen of HR leadership is a wise investment.

Realistically, most companies are choosing not to allocate funds to develop the business acumen of their HR professionals. This leaves many executives frustrated with the lack of business knowledge of their HR support and HR staff equally frustrated in their efforts to become strategic business partners.

Fancy MBAs or in-house training may be the most obvious way to learn about business. However, the simplest way (which just so happens to be free) is for HR professionals to sit down and talk with business leaders … to learn from those who are actually running the business.

Can individual HR professionals increase their own business acumen?

By focusing on a few key business questions and understand how the answers impact the work they are doing, HR professionals can develop their own individual business acumen.

Are there regulatory challenges?
What are major stakeholder issues?
Who are major competitors?
What is company’s market share?
What is the customer promise / value proposition?
What are strategic threats & opportunities?
What is the targeted growth?
What are the plans to scale up and how will the company manage growth?
What are potential pivots?
What is company credit rating?
What is the book value of the company?
What is expected capital expenditure?
Why are capital investments being made?
What is the debt ratio?
How is company leveraged?
What is the biggest cost center?
How are budget allocations made?
What are the key financial metrics?
What are the key non-financial metrics?
What are the operational challenges?
What is the biggest challenge to success?
What is safety record and areas of challenge?
What is top priority of each division / department?
What wakes leaders up in the middle of the night?

Sarah Bodner, PhD is a confidential thought partner for high-level executives and an influential systems thinker who operationalizes the critical link between employees, corporate image, and business strategy.

www.TheFeatherstoneGroup.com

What Men Don’t ‘Get’ About Women’s Development

I work with male leaders who are managing or mentoring high potential female talent within their organizations. In my experience, the vast majority or male leaders are neither pro nor anti woman’s development … they are largely indifferent to the issue of gender and are just happy to have found talent. That being said, most of my male clients have two (often unspoken) questions about women’s development that we work through.

Question 1: There are lots of women in different professions and levels of the hierarchy and they are legally protected from sexual harassment. Sure it will take time to close the pay gap and move more women into senior roles, but aren’t the issues women face largely a thing of the past?

Well, on the surface, I suppose the answer may be ‘yes’ from the male perspective. Men look around and simply don’t see the glaring gender problems of the past. For instance:

Men see that women have boundless career options open to them far beyond the past professional options of nurse and teacher.
Few men have witnessed any form of sexual harassment in the past decade or so. Everyone knows that a slap on the rear or a request for sex in return for career help is not acceptable.
Pregnant women are hired and promoted. Maternity leave is common and most offices have private rooms for nursing mothers to pump.
Men have spent much of their career surrounded by females as peers, subordinates, and bosses.

However, talk to almost any female leader and they will each share a shockingly similar list of frustrations and challenges that they face professionally. Modern gender issues are largely associated with the role that perception plays in our professional relationships … much more subtle and less visible than past gender issues.

We all have mental models and when something varies from that it can create discomfort. Women in power often counter the mental models held by both males and females – greatly impacting how women leaders are perceived.

Some of the the challenges that these perceptions create include:

Likeability Tightrope: Women who exhibit more traditionally feminine traits tend to be judged high on warmth and are often well liked but not necessarily taken seriously. On the other hand, women who exhibit more masculine traits tend to be judged as competent but low on emotional intelligence (ie: aggressive or edgy). This forces women to try to walk the likability tightrope – being both well liked and highly credible. This is particularly difficult for women in a power position as the spotlight is always harshest for leaders with members of the organization watching their every move. I have met just a handful of women leaders that are able to successfully walk this likability tightrope on a consistent basis.

Confidence: Women tend to be much harsher with their self-critique and are often seen as lacking confidence because they don’t necessarily toot their own horn, go for the big promotion, etc. That leads to women often being dismissed because they are seen as not wanting ‘it’ or not having the guts to go after ‘it’ – when that is not necessarily the case.

Passion: Leaders are often passionate, and women leaders are no different. However, passion displayed by a woman is often misinterpreted as being overly emotional and inappropriate.

Mentorship: Research has identified that top leaders have multiple strong mentors and advocates over the course of their career. However, women tend to have significantly fewer mentors. Some of this is because leaders select protégés based on performance, potential…and often how closely they see themselves reflected. Common interests and styles provide a natural connection point for a relationship and it is simply harder to “see yourself” in someone of the opposite gender. Add to that the fact that high-ranking men tend to avoid being alone in an informal setting with a woman who is at a lower level because they do not want the situation to be misinterpreted.

Question 2: Why should the process for developing women and men be different?

In truth, talent is talent – regardless of gender – and the same tools are used in the development of male and female leaders. Development is recognizing the unique assets that talented individuals (men and woman) bring to the table and using the appropriate tools to grow those skills and abilities. The difference really comes in helping male leaders understand how they, as a leader, can apply those tools given the unique challenges women face.

It’s not diversity training – it’s talent development viewed through the lens of gender.

Sarah Bodner, PhD is a trusted advisor and confidant to executives leading in changing environments. She is an influential systems thinker who operationalizes the critical link between employees, corporate image, and business strategy.

Be the Adult: The Not so Easy Basics of Maturity in the Workplace

Not too long ago, I found myself sitting next to a gentleman on a plane and we struck a casual conversation. Turns out that he was a C-Suite executive for a mid-sized 3^rd generation family owned company. When he found out what I did for a living, he began to share the struggles he was dealing with as his organization attempted to remain relevant and profitable in a shrinking market.

He shared the strategic shift that they were making and we discussed the intricate dance of changing systems. Then we got to the good stuff – the real challenge – the human element of change. He was frustrated by the mid-level management’s inability to execute on their new strategy. He was down right angry with the senior team’s unwillingness to align in leading the change.

He described how they were withholding information, undermining each other, creating road blocks, holding years long grudges, etc. Basically, he was describing my middle school “mean girls” experience but played out by grown men and women with real power over the livelihood of hundreds. He paused for a moment, and with a somewhat embarrassed note in his voice, he apologized and asked if I had ever run across a company quite so dysfunctional.

I had to laugh because what he was describing is so very, very common in companies both large and small. As most of us well know, corporations are plagued by immaturity. As we taxied to our gate, I left him with the council that I frequently give to leaders…

BE THE ADULT

Expect your direct reports to behave like adults

Always and without exception

Below are a few basic guidelines for being an adult. They are super obvious, but so many of us find ourselves accidentally falling into less than adult behaviors in our work environments.

Say thank you and please.
If you won’t say it TO the person, then you shouldn’t say it ABOUT the person.
Practice kindness in every opportunity that presents itself and be generous in your assessment of others.
You don’t have to like them, but you have to find a way to respectfully work with them.
You need to share information, resources, and insights.
When you are frustrated or angry, take a moment to step away from the situation and calm down to avoid doing or saying something you may regret later.
It is never okay to yell or throw a temper tantrum, even in the privacy of your own office.
When you feel yourself really digging in on an issue, pause to ask yourself why – make sure you are being stubborn for the right reason and not because of your ego or for personal benefit.
If you have a problem with someone or something they have done, go talk to them about it in a calm manner and do your best to understand their perspective.
Even when someone mistreats you, it is not okay for you to mistreat him or her in return. It is never okay to mistreat anyone … even the royal jerk down the hall.
When you get your feelings hurt, take a moment to sooth your wounds and then let it go.
You usually think that your way is best and that people should just do things the way you want- but life is not like that. As professional adults, we have to collaborate and meet in the middle.
It’s not about you – it’s about your customers and employees – so get over yourself.
Plan for the long-term, far beyond the timeframe for which you might benefit.

Be The Adult, this is easier to say than do, especially when surrounded by peers and bosses who themselves are acting like moody teenagers. But isn’t that what leadership is about? Doing the hard things. Setting the example. Making things clearer and better for others.

Developing Women: The Challenging Situation Companies Put Male Leaders In

Many companies are looking to leverage the value that women bring to corporations and boards. They recognize the strategic advantage of developing diverse talent and growing the number of women leaders.

There is no shortage of excellent articles, books, workshops, and development programs for women to help them succeed in corporations. There are also a multitude of solutions offered to corporations around policy and governance to develop and advance women.

However, research, and practical experience, has shown that development is most effective when owned by leadership. Wisely, many companies are tasking their mid and senior leadership with developing and advancing female talent.

And so, many male leaders find themselves with an important responsibility: developing diverse talent and growing the number of female leaders within their organization. However, there are a few very real obstacles that hinder their success.

They have not been provided tools or training.
They are unsure how to best provide support and advocacy.
They don’t necessarily understand the unique challenges women face.
They may be hesitant to ask about or discuss gender issues because they don’t want to risk accidentally offending or appearing sexist.

In essence, we are putting our male leaders in an unfair situation where in which they are unlikely to succeed. This can be very frustrating and/or disheartening for the male leader and the women they are leading and developing.

If companies are serious about growing their women leaders, then we must invest in our male leaders and provide them with the tools to succeed.

Identifying this need, and the lack of resources available, Featherstone Group created LadyBoss as an avenue to provide those valuable tools to male organizational leaders.

She is the creator of Lady Boss, an executive education program for male leaders that provides them with valuable tools to support the development and career advancement of women leaders and high potentials.

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